When I promised to “blog through” Jordan Peterson’s bestselling book, I intended to post about the chapters in order (as well as do it faster than I have been).
For reasons I may explain later, I am not following my plan. I’ve read through chapter 3 and this post is about that chapter. I’ll write about chapters 1 and 2 later.
Chapter 3, “Make friends with people who want the best for you,” is pure gold. If it was the only chapter in the book it would still be worth the price.
Unlike the previous two chapters, Peterson relies far more on his own anecdotal history to explain his rule. In my opinion, his use of the Gospels is more accurate in this chapter than the previous two. When he moves beyond his autobiography, in this chapter most of his academic discussion relies on Dostoevsky, a Christian thinker.
Peterson describes growing up in Fairview in northern Canada. He describes the climate–both the weather and the youth culture–as desolate. So what happened when people went elsewhere?
One time, when I was about fifteen, I went with Chris, and another friend, Carl, to Edmonton, a city of six hundred thousand. Carl had never been to a city. This was not uncommon. Fairview to Edmonton was an eight-hundred-mile round trip. I had done it many times, sometimes with my parents, sometimes without. I liked the anonymity that the city provided. I liked the new beginnings. I liked the escape from the dismal, cramped adolescent culture of my home town. So, I convinced my two friends to make the journey. But they did not have the same experience. As soon as we arrived, Chris and Carl wanted to buy some pot. We headed for the parts of Edmonton that were exactly like the worst of Fairview. We found the same furtive street-vending marijuana providers. We spent the weekend drinking in the hotel room. Although we had traveled a long distance we had gone nowhere at all.
I would have separated that last sentence as it’s own paragraph. It is powerful!
As is made clear, this venture as a teen was a foretaste of what would happen when his group entered adulthood. Many would leave the desolation but many would bring the desolation with them. They were, themselves, part of the desolation.
It becomes clear as you read that those “who want the best for you” are people who expect others (both themselves and you) to improve themselves rather than drift and deteriorate. What is “best” may not be what you want, at least, in the moment. It is certainly not the path of least resistance.
This chapter has two movements (at least that how it seems to me after one reading): 1. Your friends and companions can easily reinforce the worst directions in your life rather than the best so consider who you befriend wisely. 2. You’re not anyone’s savior so don’t use that excuse to evade the point of 1. If fact, if you imagine otherwise that is probably the worst direction you could take in life.
The second movement is where Peterson mentions the example of Jesus as a friend to sinners. But Jesus was the moral ideal. Is that you? This leads to the insights from Fyodor Dostoevsky’s Notes from Underground on the kind of moral depravity lurking behind the need to rescue others.
Of course, some people do argue that Jesus, by mentioning his behavior, is appealing to it as an example to follow. The question is complicated by several factors.
- Jesus, by claiming to be the physician who heals the sick (bring sinners to repentance), was claiming unique powers.
- The “sinners” in view are being described by his enemies. These are the same people who claimed he was a drunkard and a glutton. This doesn’t justify unwise friendships any more than it encourages alcoholism and overeating.
- Also, remember, when Pharisees talked of “sinners” they meant non-Pharisees. In many cases, Jesus simply disagreed with their standards. There’s no evidence that Matthew the Tax Collector needed to repent of his job to be Jesus’ disciple (presumably he was not corrupt like Zacchaeus was).
- Jesus did deal with prostitutes but the Gospels don’t show that unrepentant prostitutes were part of Jesus’ entourage.
For what it’s worth, the Apostle Paul seemed to think rescuing sinners was dangerous even though a duty: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Galatians 6:1–2 ESV).
So did Jude: “And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh” (22-23 ESV).
As far as Proverbs is concerned choosing the right companions is a major theme:
- “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20 ESV).
- “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare’ (Proverbs 22:24–25).
Wise people prefer friends who will correct them rather than flatter them:
- “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6).
- “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue” (Proverbs 28:23).
- “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin” (Proverbs 26:28).
- “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet” (Proverbs 29:5).
Finally, Proverbs is not optimistic about giving directions to people who need to change course:
- “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning” (Proverbs 9:7–9).
- “A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke” (Proverbs 13:1).
- “Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words” Proverbs 23:9).
- “A scoffer does not like to be reproved; he will not go to the wise” (Proverbs 15:12).
My takeaway from this (though I didn’t feel satisfied with it enough to include it in my forthcoming book) is that anyone listening to or reading Proverbs should realize the importance of being proactive in repenting and pursuing wisdom. Don’t expect someone to rescue you from your folly while you passively remain in it. And I get the same basic message from Jordan Peterson’s third rule.