Our culture seems pulled apart by two ideals. On the one hand there is a market for changing oneself. Crossfit famously want to help people be better versions of themselves. On the other hand, it’s not uncommon to here the message “Just be yourself.” I’ve seen an HIV drug advertisement encourage those who were diagnosed “keep doing you.”
I have no idea who is setting the expectations for when we have a right to complacency and when we have some obligation to work on change, but the “rules” don’t seem well thought out.
I’ve pointed out before that Paul compares “training in Godliness” to “bodily training.” That implies that Godly character is a skill that can be practiced and developed. One becomes a better person like one learns to play a musical instrument or (to borrow from my forthcoming book), drive an automobile.
Proverbs talks about building things:
- “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down’ (Proverbs 14:1 ESV).
- “Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house” (Proverbs 24:27 ESV).
- “By justice a king builds up the land, but he who exacts gifts tears it down” (Proverbs 29:4 ESV).
- “By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is overthrown” (Proverbs 11:11 ESV).
As I try to show in my book, these aren’t absolute guarantees. Providence may not allow a wise woman to build her house, and a just king can be assassinated. Proverbs doesn’t claim that life is that simple. (If it were, Proverbs wouldn’t have to warn us not to be attracted to the visible success of fools).
You can’t always build great projects to completion, but there is one thing you can change for the better in the midst of the confusion of triumph and disaster: Your self. “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Proverbs 25:28 ESV). The ultimate ongoing construction project is our own character. A lot can be done to build a better city or home, but without better people, there’s a lot less that can be done. And there is often more you can do to better yourself than improve anything or anyone else.
Proverbs encourages you to seek and pray for wisdom. But if I get the idea that “that’s not me” and that I should “be myself” because “that’s just who I am,” I’m never going to change for the better.
No you can’t be morally perfect… but that means you can always get better. The inescapability of sin and immaturity does not mean that we should be satisfied with our current level.
You, as you are, are accepted by God, if you have entrusted yourself to Jesus. But no father wants his son to remain immature or incapable. Jesus himself was no exception.
- “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52 ESV).
- “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him, being designated by God a high priest after the order of Melchizedek” (Hebrews 5:7–10 ESV).
Jesus’ changing is held forth as a path for our own changing:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives” [Proverbs 3:11-12]. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
Hebrews 12:1–7 ESV
So your challenge is to think of yourself, not as a finished product, nor as someone who need not be concerned about his shortcomings, but as an incomplete construction project. Yes, you need to pray for God to change you. You also need to realize God has appointed you to be his agent in the world to help in that change as best you can.
By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might, for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.
Proverbs 24:3–6 ESV