Proverbs is a book designed to teach wisdom. That is its stated purpose:
To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth.
Proverbs 1:2–4 ESV
Yet, these “simple youths” must already be wise to gain wisdom: “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance” (Proverbs 1:5 ESV).
Not only do we have passages that suggest only the wise hear wisdom, but Proverbs has warnings about teaching fools.
Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. For by me your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, you are wise for yourself; if you scoff, you alone will bear it.
Proverbs 9:7–12 ESV
So, not only is it inadvisable to correct a fool or scoffer, but your wisdom is, in some sense, only for you. And so is their foolishness. This can’t mean that no one else benefits from your wisdom or your foolishness. But, in some sense, the project of becoming wise is something for which you must take responsibility. Likewise, you are responsible for your own foolishness.
And there are other passages:
- “A scoffer seeks wisdom in vain, but knowledge is easy for a man of understanding” (Proverbs 14:6 ESV).
- “A scoffer does not like to be reproved; he will not go to the wise” (Proverbs 15:12 ESV).
- “A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again” (Proverbs 19:19 ESV).
I didn’t talk about this much in my book (Amazon, Kindle) because I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I’m still not sure, but that’s one reason to have a blog. This isn’t definitive (yet?), but hopefully it is worth throwing out there.
While Proverbs may sound pessimistic it is also protecting human dignity and warning about interfering in people’s lives. That puts the issue in a positive light (to most modern people) but it is also a grim reality.
You have to face the fact that you can’t usually help people. You can speak wise words, but “He who has an ear, let him hear” (Revelation 2:7, 11; compare Matthew 11:15; Mark 4:8; Luke 8:8 etc). If people want to destroy themselves, there’s not much you can do.
I spend space in the book discussing how the son in Proverbs, as a child, was taught by his parents and is now exhorted
- to remember those teachings and
- pray for the wisdom he needs as an adult. This may be part of that picture.
When someone lacks maturity, it seems simple to explain what is right. But there are limits to how effective that can be. If the goal is a mature, self-governing adult, treating him like a child may prove self-frustrating. I’m not saying it is impossible, but it is difficult.
People needing help must be fully engaged. They have to help themselves.
But why would Proverbs discourage us from trying?
I don’t think Solomon or the other wise authors of Proverbs absolutely forbid it. But maybe there are temptations involved in assuming one can solve another person’s problems. Remember Jesus wouldn’t always help: “Someone in the crowd said to him, ‘Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.’ But he said to him, ‘Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?'” (Luke 12:13–14 ESV). Jesus goes on to warn his disciples about covetousness, as if this was an object lesson in why someone’s desire to “help” might spring from bad motives.
But a lot of these thoughts did not come to me while meditating on Scripture, but while reading secular authors. For example, Jordan Peterson warns strenuously against becoming friends with someone because you think they need your help:
But Christ himself, you might object, befriended tax-collectors and prostitutes. How dare I cast aspersions on the motives of those who are trying to help? But Christ was the archetypal perfect man. And you’re you. How do you know that your attempts to pull someone up won’t instead bring them – or you – further down?
12 Rules for Life, Chapter 3.
And he even argues that “helping” relationships can actually rationalize vice:
Your raging alcoholism makes my binge drinking appear trivial. My long serious talks with you about your badly failing marriage convince both of us that you are doing everything possible and that I am helping you to my utmost. It looks like effort. It looks like progress. But real improvement would require far more from both of you.
12 Rules for Life, Chapter 3.
Maybe the “pessimism” of Proverbs is meant to encourage humility? You are not anyone’s savior.